The Fox McCloud Show
by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: Everyone's favorite StarFox captain is hosting his own sketch comedy show, and he's bringing friends with him for the ride as well! Laughs, hi-jinks are in order, and the prescription is, more laughs! Inspired by shows like "Saturday Night Live", "All That", and "MadTV". Also includes Krystal from "StarFox: Assault". Rating now changed to M.
1. Intorduction

**"The Fox McCloud Show"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Super Smash Brothers or any of its characters. Super Smash Brothers, its characters and games are owned by Nintendo. Anyway, I'm gonna try my hand at a Super Smash Brothers fic, which is something I have thought of for a while. This fic is a parody of sketches similar to "Saturday Night Live", "All That", "MADTV", and "In Living Color". Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 1: Introduction<strong>_

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><p>The lights were flashing.<p>

The atmosphere was insane.

The crowd was screaming.

It was insanity over PokeMon Stadium as a crowd of 50,000 all gathered for a special event. But it wasn't for a duel between two PokeMon to be honest. Instead, something interesting was going on that created a lot of buzz.

Instead of the usual PokeMon field, the scenery was like that of a usual 1970's New York Neighborhood. It looked pretty much lifelike with all of the brick walls and the lamp post and the huge street light surrounding a street post. To add with the scenery, a band started playing smooth jazz, which was nearly identical to a talk show or a sketch show which most people have seen once before on TV. While that was going on, an announcer went on his rant, going with the introductions on what this was.

_"It's tiiiiiiiiiiime for the most number one show in America today,"_ The announcer replied. _"Iiiiiiiit's the Fox McCloud shoooooooooow!"_

And then, the announcer continued the introductions by introducing the rest of his cast members.

_"Starring Mario... Link... Zelda... Samus... Rosalina... Sonic... Solid Snake... Luigi... Donkey Kong... Yoshi... Falco... Peach... Little Mac... Krystal..."_

After those introductions were done, the announcer now hosted the star of the show.

_"And now here's your host of the evening, PlayFox's most sexiest animal alive today and the leader of the StarFox crew, Foooooooox McCloooooooooud!"_

Hearing Fox's name, the crowd leaped to their feet in a tremendous ovation. The applause sounded louder than the Arwing that flew down from the stadium.

Out of the Arwing came Fox McCloud, who was greeted by his fans. He was used to this kind of screaming from his fellow fangirls, mostly from human females and anthros like. In fact, the women in the audience took off their bras and tossed them onstage for Fox to catch. He was almost like Elvis to his loyal fans, and who can blame them?

After the Arwing flew away via autopilot, Fox continued to feed off the energy from this 50,000 plus crowd. It was loud, the host hardly said a word yet, but it didn't matter because it was his show. After it did die down, Fox managed to speak up.

"Hello everyone and welcome to The Fox McCloud Show!" Fox exclaimed. "Yes, we are coming to you live from PokeMon Stadium, where it's city now passed its Free Sex Act! So men, get those stiffies ready! I know I got mine!"

A nice chuckle was shared around the audience for that joke, even if it wasn't funny to begin with.

After that, Fox continued to talk, "Anyway, we got a good show for you tonight, so-"

However, he was cut off by Link, who stood next to him while pointing a finger at him. That was really strange of him.

"Um, Link?" Fox raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not touching you." Link smirked.

"Well, it's a bit annoying ever since," Fox replied. "It's been going on since morning. You kept pointing at me when I got up, you kept pointing at me when I was in the shower, worst of all, you kept pointing at me when I was having my afternoon quickie with Krystal! Can't you point at something else besides me?"

"Not until 12." Link responded.

Stressed out, Fox pointed out to a bald security guard standing under the stage. This gave Fox an idea.

"Look, why don't you stand next to that Terry Crews lookalike and point at him?" Fox suggested to him.

Thinking about this, Link accepted.

"Eh, this beats having to point at Solid Snake when he pees." He shrugged as he walked over to the bald security guard (which indeed looked like Terry Crews, by the way).

While that was settled, Fox decided to go to break.

"While Link is busy creeping everyone out, we'll be right back for more of the Fox McCloud Show right after this!" He shouted out, right before he left the stage.

Meanwhile, the bald security guard was creeped out by Link, who was still pointing at him.

"You got a problem?" The guard asked the Hyrule warrior.

"I'm not touching you." Link replied.

"You think about touchin' me, and I'll shove your hat up yo' ass." The guard smirked.

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><p><strong>Eeyup, I got a good feeling that this is gonna take off. I know Krystal isn't one of the contestants competing in the new 3DS or WiiU version, but I figured I'd let her be in this story anyway, because come on, she's Fox's love interest in "Starfox: Assault"! Ya gotta put her in one way or the other.<strong>

** Anyway, what will we see first from Fox and his crew come next chapter? Feedbacks are welcome!**


	2. Solid Snake and Little Mac At The Movies

**"The Fox McCloud Show"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Super Smash Brothers or any of its characters. Super Smash Brothers, its characters and games are owned by Nintendo. Anyway, I'm gonna try my hand at a Super Smash Brothers fic, which is something I have thought of for a while. This fic is a parody of sketches similar to "Saturday Night Live", "All That", "MADTV", and "In Living Color". Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 2: Solid Snake and Little Mac at the Movies<br>**_

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><p>There was a dark empty studio lot with two chairs lighting up next to a movie poster. Soon, there were two people sitting on the chair. One was dressed in blue skin-tight swat gear and the other was dressed in boxing gear with a black tanktop green shorts and green boxing gloves. As jazz music played on the background, the announcer introduced the hosts.<p>

"Ladies and gentleman, it's time for America's #1 movie review show, it's _Solid Snake and Little Mac At The Movies_! And now here are your hosts, two men who know their ass from a hole in the ground, Solid Snake and Little Mac!'.

After that, the light shone on the two hosts themselves.

"Hello skags, and welcome to _Solid Snake and Little Mac at the Movies_," Snake replied, "I'm Solid Snake, also known as Snake Eater and just plain Snake."

"And I'm heavyweight champion Little Mac." Little Mac replied, "Which is surprising because Little Mac is also the name of my big bulge."

"Yeah, we don't wanna hear any of that," Snake snarled at him. "Anyway, since is this a special show, we decided to do Nicolas Cage week. Movies dedicated to the actor who's face looks as stoned as Satan's turd."

"Of course, we're all familiar with the actor's work such as _Raising Arizona_, _Moonstruck_,_ National Treasure_, _Honeymoon In Vegas_ and _KickAss_, which are great movies in my opinion," Little Mac said. "But what about his lesser-known ones? The ones that smell like a ton of dried skunk butt, mixed with chewed-up cabbage and blended with pig vomit?"

"You're in luck fans, because we're gonna get to review all of his less-notable ones," Snake said, smoking a cigarette for fun. "So grab a barf bag and take a shot of whiskey, this is Solid Snake and Little Mac at the Movies: The Nicolas Cage Edition!"

_**Drive Angry**_

"Okay, first up we have the movie _Drive Angry_ where Nicolas Cage, hence the movie title, drives angry." Little Mac replied.

"I hated it because it featured nothing but driving." Solid Snake responded, "The only good part about this movie was the hot blonde chick gets to show her breasts and that was it. So maybe this movie would've had some hope after all, if only if Nicolas Cage didn't get in the way of us seeing some hot cleavage."

"Yeah," Little Mac nodded. "Seeing this, I wish I could drive angry over to Nicolas Cage's house and tell him how bad his crapfest sucked. Thumbs down for me.

_**Left Behind**_

"Okay, we got a religious-based movie here, which I hate." Solid Snake sighed with such grief.

"Tell me about it," Little Mac nodded. "What happens when most of the world vanishes around our eyes, only to leave their clothes lying naked on the street? Which by the way, is just unsanitary because no one just throws their clothes on streets like this. That's littering, damn it."

"Apparently, _Left Behind_ is a 120-minute borefest, which involves Nicolas Cage being on a plane for the entire movie," Solid Snake replied as he continued his rant. "So far, chaos is everywhere around the world, which shows every person on earth gone while their clothes are still there. Which leads me to believe they're either running around naked or perhaps hiding while running around naked. I don't get it."

"To make this story short, _Left Behind_ is worth getting left behind itself," Little Mac said in conclusion. "In the term, I rather leave this movie behind on an empty highway, hoping that a Mack Truck the size of Bowser's mom would be enough to run it over. Me and Snake give it thumbs down."

_**Gone In 60 Seconds**_

"_Gone in 60 Seconds_," Little Mac said, reading the title out loud. "That's pretty much the exact time I had seeing this film on DVD. And then I decided to take a crap and that was just about it."

"Anyway, it sucks, features nothing but driving, and Angelina Jolie didn't get naked," Solid Snake replied. "Thumbs down for me."

"We would've had more bad Nicolas cage movies to review, but Fox McCloud crushed all of them into dust and smoked it into a doobie," Little Mac sighed as he looked over to his shoulder. "Thanks for nothing, Fox."

"I don't care what ya'll think, I ain't sharing my dope with no one!" Fox said, shouting from off-camera.

"Well, that was straight from the Fox's mouth, I'll tell ya that." Solid Snake nodded, "Well, that's all the time for Solid Snake and Little Mac at the Movies. Join us again next time when we take a look at Pauly Shore movies. Then again, we might not want to because the rest of his movies are shit, too. Until then, good night!"

And then, both Snake and Little Mac waved to the camera, closing the segment for now.

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><p><strong>Yeah, I know we didn't see a whole lot of Fox in this chapter (mainly because we heard his voice), but believe you me, he'll show up sooner.<strong>

**Anyway, what will happen next for Fox and his friends? Find out on the next chapter. Until then, hooters hooters, yum yum yum. Hooters hooters, on a girl that's dumb!**


	3. Foxxx McCloud's Sex Academy

**"The Fox McCloud Show"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Super Smash Brothers or any of its characters. Super Smash Brothers, its characters and games are owned by Nintendo. Anyway, I'm gonna try my hand at a Super Smash Brothers fic, which is something I have thought of for a while. This fic is a parody of sketches similar to "Saturday Night Live", "All That", "MADTV", and "In Living Color". Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 3: Foxxx McCloud's Sex Academy<br>**_

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><p>Fox McCloud was sitting next to a fireplace, reading a big red book just for amusement. The setting took place in a big library, filled with thousands of philosophy books, biography books, and even his favorite romance novels. Seeing that he was being filmed on camera, Fox closed his book and spoke up to people watching at home.<p>

"Oh hi, didn't quite see ya there," Fox replied. "My name's Fox McCloud. Of course, you may know me as the lead character in StarFox, where I play an ace pilot who gets revenge on Andross by teaming up with a bunch of my buddies. You may also know me as the leader of the Starfox crew, along with my teammates Falco Lombardi, Slippy Toad, and Peppy Hare. And how can I forget being part of the greatest game franchise that Nintendo has to offer besides mine, which is Super Smash Brothers."

Suddenly, Fox put the book aside and stood up with a smirk on his face.

"But there's something else you don't know about me," Fox replied. "When I'm not busy competing on Super Smash Bros or going on crazy space adventures with my friends, I'm also an accomplished adult film star by the name of Foxxx McCloud, which is spelled by three xX's by the way. Having starred in over 100 skin flicks is tough work for a handsome body. How do people ask me and tell me where my films have gotten me to where I am today? With a question like that, there's only one place you need to go..."

From there, Fox opened the twin doors behind him to reveal a huge ballroom filled with a huge sexual orgy going on.

"The Foxxx McCloud's Sex Academy!" Fox exclaimed to the camera. "It has everything that a sex-lover's dream could ever asked for. If you're willing to start in the adult film industry, this is the place to go to!"

Proceeding his little intermission, Fox led the camera crew to a huge hallway full of doors. The same kind of hallway you'd see in a usual high school. The first place Fox went to was the usual Sex Ed class.

"You eager for anyone to tell you about the birds, bees and whores?" Fox raised an eyebrow, "Enlist in the sex ed class, led by fellow Hyrulean knight and fellow adult star, Link."

Fox then looked to Link, who was busy teaching a class on how to put on a condom.

"Okay, class. The next lesson is how to put on a condom." Link explained, "Who would like to demonstrate on this plastic rod right here?"

Suddenly, one of the students (which was Daisy from the Super Mario series), stood up and walked up to Link, where he handed her a banana-flavored condom.

"All right, Miss Daisy," Link replied. "Show me the proper way to put on a condom."

Feeling a bit confused on what to do, Princess Daisy decided to open up the condom...

...

...

...in which she wrapped it inside her head, a la Howie Mandel.

"Is thaff iff?" Daisy muffled inside the condom.

"Ummmmm," Link said, smiling nervously, "We'll get there."

After Link pat her on the back, Fox looked to the camera crew with a nervous smile on his face.

"Yeaaaah, she's new here." Fox smirked as he closed the door behind him.

The next stop on Fox's tour was a classroom showing the entire history of porn.

"Okay, we now have Porn History 101, which is led by my fellow companion, Falco Lombardi!" He exclaimed.

The camera got a good shot at Falco, who was pointing to the name which was written in a blackboard.

"Okay students, can anyone name this hot bitch who starred in over 500 movies and contracted more than 200 various diseases?" Falco asked the class, who both raised their hands simultaneously.

"Jenna Jameson!" The crowd shouted.

"Exactly, my bitches!" Falco smirked, "We're talking about Jenna Jameson, the same chick who just yesterday, passed me the clap! Luckily to say that I've been cured of it since!"

"Yeah, we might wanna put him in contamination later." Fox smirked to the camera crew as he shut the door behind him.

The next place Fox and the crew went to was a classroom where it involved a splashing of mud.

"For sex-lovers who enjoy sports, we also have a physical education class." Fox explained, "This day for example, we're having the ladies mud wrestle each other just to promote good sportsmanship between two sexually-honed athletes."

Fox then looked to his shoulder to see Princess Peach and Rosalina wrestling in mud with nothing but their bikini's on. Several other students, which were male by the way, looked on and cheered for their favorite to win.

"Mario's mine, you bitch!" Princess Peach said to Rosalina, who was getting her face pounded in mud.

"Up yours, you pink-wearing nad!" Rosalina spoke up to Peach as she turned her around, therefore leaving her pinned in mud.

With a smirk to his face, Fox yet again faced the crew.

"My favorite class of all time..." He chuckled.

The next stop that Fox and the crew went was an empty studio filled with black curtains. Around the curtains was a sizzling hot jacuzzi with Samus and Zelda french kissing each other. In addition, some of the male students were both waving their arm up and down in awkward fashion, feeling turned on by this display.

"And here comes the best part of Foxxx's Sex Academy," He smirked. "This is the part where you get to direct your own skin flick. And best of all, the rest of the students get to watch other students direct!"

Looking back at the make-out session, Samus slapped Zelda in the fanny while Zelda started squeezing Samus's tight butt, therefore increasing pleasure between the girls. Seeing that display, Fox was feeling his heart beat and his pants being stiff on impact. Seeing that his camera crew was also getting on the action, Fox told them off.

"You might wanna turn off the cameras for this one, guys." He insisted.

Listening to what Fox said, the entire camera crew all put their lens cap on, just for safety purposes.

Later, the filming resumed as Fox was standing around his students, all dressed in graduation gowns.

"And then the best part of this school is graduation, where our beloved students finally break out to porn star status!" Fox exclaimed, "Eeyup, this school will turn the slightest Daddy's Little Girls and Momma's Little Boys into sex-induced women and men. So if you're looking to spice up your soon-to-be-love life or you want a place where you can whore yourself, then come enroll in Foxxx McCloud's Sex Academy, where we 'rise' to the occasion!"

Suddenly, Fox's girlfriend Krystal approached him as she wrapped her hands all around him.

"Hey babe," Fox smirked. "Wanna take a look at my drawbridge?"

Krystal then looked down at Fox's 'drawbridge', which was feeling erect around his jeans. This gave the blue fox such an idea.

"Mmmmm, it needs a little cleaning." She replied, "Shall I do the honors, my stud?"

"With pleasure..." Fox smirked again.

In response, Krystal suggestively went down on him, followed by sound of a zipper. Hearing the suckling sounds all around him, Fox turned to the crew for the last time and closed out his film.

"Works everytime..." He winked with his eye twitching.

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><p><strong>Man, I would go there, hands down. Although imagining Fox McCloud as a porn star would be interesting to the female fanbase.<br>**

**Anyway, more craziness from Fox and friends on the way next chapter! Until then, it's party tiiiiiiiiime!**


	4. Fox Answers Your Christmas Fanmail!

**"The Fox McCloud Show"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Super Smash Brothers or any of its characters. Super Smash Brothers, its characters and games are owned by Nintendo. Anyway, I'm gonna try my hand at a Super Smash Brothers fic, which is something I have thought of for a while. This fic is a parody of sketches similar to "Saturday Night Live", "All That", "MADTV", and "In Living Color". Enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 4: Fox Answers Your X-Mas Fanmail!<br>**_

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><p>Fox McCloud was shown sitting on the stage alongside Samus Aran, Zelda, Peach, Rosalina and Krystal, all dressed in Christmas regalia. Fox was seen sitting on a throne dressed like Santa Claus (without the beard) while the five hefty beauties were all dressed like Santa's Little Helpers. Aside Santa's little helpers was a sack full of white letters.<p>

"Ho ho ho, bitches!" Fox exclaimed to the crowd. "As the rest of you may know, Halloween is over and done with. It's all in the past and were plum out of candy. I oughtta know since that fat ape with the tie ate the rest of it. I'm talking to you, mom. Anyway, since I'm feeling a bit excited about the holiday season starting early, I'd figured I'd get around reading Christmas letters, just for you all. Isn't that great."

Fox was then cut off by a screaming crowd, cheering for approval.

"That's what I'd like to hear," Fox nodded. "Okay, I'm busy waiting. Let's get on with the first letter. Samus, read it please."

Grabbing a letter from the sack, Samus opened up the letter and started reading it.

_Dear Santa,_

_I am a 9-year old boy who lives with dad and mom. But suddenly, my parents are not getting along. One time, I saw dad wrestle someone naked. To my surprise, it wasn't mom. It happened to be another guy, who was also naked and sweaty. Should I tell my mom what's going on between dad and the stranger? I feel like I got nowhere else to turn to. Can you help me?_

_Just asking,_

_Billy_

Fox was shocked, yet disturbed to see this letter in front of his face.

"Well Billy," Fox sighed. "You're either watching wrestling or witnessing your dad become a full-fledged erotic homo. Either way, if I were you, I'd shoot my own eyes out with a colt .45. Watching wrestling is also okay, because they actually got their underwear on. But seeing your daddy and another man wrestle naked is just an image I want burned out of my entire face. Seasons greetings. Anyway, next letter please."

Zelda was the next helper who grabbed a letter from the mailsack. Opening up the letter, she read it facefirst:

_Dear Santa,_

_I'm just an ordinary 7-year old who asks a lot of questions about life, and I was wondering one thing from you. Where exactly do babies come from?_

_Just wondering,_

_Sheila Crooke from Macon, Georgia_

"Oh, great," Fox whispered to himself. "Another stupid question..."

Clearing his throat, Fox answered this question loudly.

"Good answer, Sheila." He nodded, "You really wanna know that question? It comes from their asshole. That's right, your mom managed to poop you out of her asshole. She took a dump the size of a fucking mini-van! Good thing to know she's still taking stitches around your anus, so that's all you need to know. Merry Christmas. Next letter please."

With a smile, Peach grabbed a letter from the sack and started reading it loud.

_Dear Santa,_

_I'm just a small-town girl living in a lonely world. At midnight, I took a train going anywhere it took me. And then, I found a shining star asking me to find the boy of my dreams. I met him in the south side of Detroit, but it just happened to be a bum asking for cash? What exactly am I doing wrong?_

_Sincerely,_

_Anonymous_

"Interesting story there, Mrs. Anonymous." Fox smirked, "Obviously, you were stoned on the entire train ride. About your entire tale of fake love, I'm pretty certain it reminds me of a song from the 80's, which by the way, I can't stand. Who in their right mind would wanna listen to that song about believing? I've heard it in sporting events, TV shows, movies and various video games. I swear, if I have to hear that song greet my ears one more time, I'm blowing whoever wrote that song to kingdom come. Seasons greetings. Next letter, please."

Hearing Fox's command, Rosalina reached out for another letter and read it.

_Dear Santa,_

_I seem to lost my stash of pot, do you know where I can find it?_

_Sincerely,_

_T. Sizemore from Los Angeles, California_

_P.S.: It's big and it's the size of a huge bong itself._

"Well well well, Mr. Sizemore..." Fox smirked, "I guess somebody's eaten too much cheetos for one day. You wanna know where your bong is? Is in your ass, just like a pregnant mother's crowning out a baby-sized turd. I suggest you get your bong out of your butt before it gets smoked literally. As for me, I don't deal with druggies one bit. Happy Holidays. Anyway, I got room enough for one more letter. Bring it on."

And then finally, Krystal managed to pick up the last letter in the mail bag, in which she opened it up and read real loud.

_Dear Santa,_

_We're just five naughty girls waiting to have a good time. We're so lonely this Christmas season that the five of our husbands just doesn't satisfy us. We're hoping to leave them in hopes of finding a man who's as jolly and satisfying as you. If only we can find one that handsome and so strong, like you Santa? Care to be your naughty little helpers? We won't tell Ms. Claus._

_Signed,_

_Anonymous (along with four of my friends)_

Suddenly, Fox's jaw dropped out of sight when he saw this letter.

"W-w-well, um..." Fox said, stuttering a bit. "I'm not sure Kryst- um, I mean Mrs. Claus would apply to something like this, but..."

However, Fox felt his chest being caressed and touched by five of Santa's Little Helpers, who were on him like cats going after a ball of yarn. Fox looked over to Samus, Zelda, Peach, Rosalina and Krystal with seductive looks on their faces, indicating that they were the five helpers who wrote that fake letter. They all wanted a piece of Fox McCloud themselves.

Indicating that they all wanted him, Fox hesistantly turned to the camera.

"...but who the hell cares?" Fox shrugged, "I'm gettin' laid! Anyway, that's all for my Christmas letters! Come back for more the Fox McCloud show, right after I impregnate one of these sluts!"

Suddenly, the skit had ended with Fox following his five little helpers to the green room. Talk about a Christmas present coming early for Fox.

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><p><strong>Eeyup, that means Fox is getting some. Too bad we won't see it because of show standards. Well, whatever you imagine what happens between Fox and his five Santa's helpers is fine by me.<br>**

**Anyway, Fox and friends will come back next chapter. What will happen you ask? Find out!**


	5. Fox News

**"The Fox McCloud Show"**

**Rated M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Super Smash Brothers or any of its characters. Super Smash Brothers, its characters and games are owned by Nintendo. Anyway, I'm gonna try my hand at a Super Smash Brothers fic, which is something I have thought of for a while. This fic is a parody of sketches similar to "Saturday Night Live", "All That", "MADTV", and "In Living Color". Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter 5: Fox News<br>**_

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><p><em><strong>"Hello, and welcome to Fox News, the number one trusted source in news, entertainment, sports, weather, and porn! And now here are your trusted anchors, Fox McCloud and Krystal!"<strong>_

After the announcer was done introducing Fox and Krystal, the camera scrolled down on the two as they were dressed like newscasters from the 1970's. The set behind them looked pretty much like your usual news set with all the mini-monitors flashing. Seeing that he was being taped on camera, Fox filed his papers quickly and spoke into the camera.

"Hello, and welcome to Fox News," Fox nodded, "I'm Fox McCloud, alongside my partner-in-crime Krystal. And yes, if you're asking, it's called Fox News because it's just the same as the other copycat network, but with more boobage. Anyway, here's today's headlines."

Suddenly, the words "Breaking News" popped on the screen, meaning that something was urgent.

"We got breaking news tonight," Fox replied, "There seems to be a major hurricane striking down around the town of Onett. Which is very weird since the town doesn't seem to be around an ocean of some sorts. The storm has been upgraded to a Category 5 hurricane. Had it been a Category 6 hurricane, then the rest of the people would have been fucked nonetheless. To top it off, the strip club down there would be destroyed as well, and there would be no boobage in that town anymore. Right now, we have Fox News's brave reporter, Yoshi, with the story. He's down there right now. Yoshi?"

And then, footage was shown of the green dinosaur Yoshi, who stood outside of the storm around Onett.

"Thank you, Fox." Yoshi nodded, "I'm standing alongside the local downtown pharmacy where-"

But out of nowhere, a flying car hit Yoshi, knocking him out of sight. This ended the segment instantly.

"Well, sorry to see that, Yoshi." Fox sighed. "Krystal?"

"Thanks Fox," Krystal nodded, "In other news around the world, Wolf O'Donnell, best known as the leader of Star Wolf, was sentenced to eight months hard labor due public masturbation. Apparently, getting high on chalk can make you do sexual, yet retarded things. I tried it, and oh help me, I leaked and squirted so hard like a faucet. I felt like I was having sex with Fox in a family picnic. Anyway, now that's all said and done, let's go to the weather where our fellow meteorologist Falco Lombardi tells us how the weather will fare for the next seven days. Falco?"

Standing miles from Fox and Krystal was Falco, who was standing beside a mist of smoke. By the look of Falco's bloodshot eyes and weary expression, it was assumed that Falco was high as a kite.

"H-hey man," Falco replied, feeling a little stuttery. "I want every... everyone to know for the n-next seven days, it's all p-p-p-partly cloudy!"

"Possibly because you'd been high since we've got on." Fox said off-camera.

"You got any reefer, man?" Falco shouted.

"No, Link ate them backstage." Krystal told him truthfully. "Anyway, that's enough for Falco with the weather. Now lets go to our faithful sports analyst, Mario, as he has some amazing scores to give us. Mario?"

Fox and Krystal looked to the other side of the table, where Mario was sitting between them.

"Thank-a you very much, Krystal and Fox." Mario nodded, "In soccer today, Yoshi's team slid past Donkey Kong's team with a score of 3-2, and Peach's team dropped a deuce on Daisy's team with a score to 3-0!"

And then, silence filled the air.

Apparently, Fox and Krystal were waiting for Mario to say something else, but suddenly, the sound of crickets were infecting Mario's brain.

"Aaaaaand what else?" Fox shrugged.

"That's it," Mario replied. "That's all that I got."

"Anything else?" Krystal groaned.

Suddenly, Mario picked up a coin from his desk.

"I found a penny and named it Barry!" Mario exclaimed.

"How nice," Fox scowled at him. "Don't ever come to work again."

Knowing the show was about to go to commercial, both Fox and Krystal decided to sign off for now.

"Well, we we're about to show footage from last night's WWE Survivor Series, but apparently, the rest of our news crew are too retarded, high, or drunk to do so right now," Krystal nodded. "So when we come back, a porn star decides to run for president. I'll give you a hint. She wears all blue, is blonde, and blows more than her enemies. More of that in 11."

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><p><strong>Yeah, I know it was short, but c'mon, they all had to be on something at the moment.<br>**

**What will Fox and the rest of his friends have in store next chapter? Find out after this break!**


End file.
